Recently, I stepped away from a position as a director of a preschool program that I loved. I took this step to prioritize my health and family, but it wasn't easy. As many of you know, when we work in this heart-centered field we grow many kinds of relationships which makes it hard to say goodbye.
As a result I have had to sit with many uncomfortable feelings that run the gamut from guilt to glee and everything in between. Now that I have had some time to slow down, I am more acutely aware of my emotions and the drivers behind them. It's a practice that I've often shared with young children: how to recognize our feelings and the reasons for them while letting them flow. It's a lesson on cultivating a growth mindset which encourages problem solving by reframing challenges as opportunities. This isn't easy to do, but I am training my brain every day through conscious practice.
All month long, I have been preparing for my eldest to leave for a gap year. She recently graduated high school and the plan was for her to travel to Taiwan for language and cultural studies. We jumped through many hoops to finally get her enrolled in a school and to the airport for her departure. When she checked into her flight and disappeared from view I was overcome by a wave of emotions. My tears flowed as it finally hit me that she would be gone for a while. I was already missing her profoundly.
One of the hardest lessons I am learning is to be okay with all of my feelings. Many of us did not grow up discussing feelings and social emotional intelligence was not a part of our vocabulary. As I walked away from the airport, I reminded myself that I can be sad AND proud at the same time.
My daughter, no doubt, is experiencing many feelings of her own. She is a Gen Z young adult who is growing up in a time where emotional and mental health are talked about along with physical health. I have great hopes that her generation will bring back into balance a pendulum that has swung too far in a work/hustle culture. I am excited that her generation will reimagine personal and professional fulfillment, whatever that may be.
In all honesty I would be more freaked out if she had left for Taiwan without knowing anyone. I am fortunate that my parents are there to receive her and help her get settled, and that she will have other relatives nearby for support. Once again, I am reminded that there is power in relationships, and I am thankful to my people and community overseas to care for my baby (she will always be my baby!)
She sent me this photo of her with grandpa, my father, when she arrived in Taiwan. They both looked so happy to reconnect and it set my heart at ease. With loving support, so many things are possible. With acceptance and understanding, we can be gentle to ourselves and others when emotions overwhelm. Feelings are only signals that point us to what matters, so for that I am grateful to have them as temporary companions.
In our work with young children we often talk about feelings, and that has helped me immensely as an adult who is still figuring out feelings. Part of embracing change is being okay with all of the feelings that come with it, and I tell myself that I will be okay and that my daughter will be, too. Her first step into the most independence she has ever had reminds me that bravery is often accompanied by a host of other feelings, and that to be brave means we persist in spite of them.
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